Losing touch with reality- How special am I?

Ever wondered how Stonehenge got here?

Who build those?

What was 60’s love like?

We were not even present to see the Roman Empire. But we still have amazing books, paintings, pictures, videos or movies depicting that era.

In 50 years, 1000 years people will be saying things like what was life in 2021?

Maybe they’ll talk about the COVID pandemic as we now talk about the Black Death.

Maybe they would want to know what it feels like to walk on the street at our time, to see how people sounded when they spoke.

Of course they sound like you and me.

-We are those people.

This means that we are just making history as we go. We are living the future history.

Image this

Books will be written about our civilization. Movies will be made about our time we call today.

They will exploit what history will give them as hint on how we used to live. One day we will be the romans.

The same way we now talk about Nero the madman, Commodus the gladiator, Julius Cesar or Spartacus; the future generations will narrate our time the same way.

Is it?

I think they will most probably remember the famous people of our era, like we are currently doing for the romans.

Then what about us? It will be as if we never existed. There will no proof or trace of us down here.

Those are worries of the future history about our existence.

What about now?

Our present bears resemblance of that same dilemma:

Nowadays it’s easy to track every aspect of anything.

  • How many people know about you.
  • How many houses or cars you have.
  • How many writings have you published.
  • How many people liked your latest post.

We then easily get carried away and develop a sense of self-worth or existence in those numbers.

Matter of fact; our attention online goes to half if not completely to people that are talented, physically beautiful or are extreme at anything that they undertake. Which in a sense is making us acknowledge that these types of people are worth of the world’s attention- which is really not an accurate perception of what most people are.

Still it would be fair to say that at times we all have our moments, where we want to feel or be treated special. That’s in itself not a big deal. That’s biological, even animals have such instincts.

However it’s extremely different compared to someone who has the desire, attitude, or indeed expectation as part of their basic character makeup.

We all know someone that fits this picture.

-Yup, he’s the one.

It would imply that he is as a minimum putting up to be different from others or the normal. Maybe they are already successful in terms of society` definition of success or they have an extremely self-inflated view of themselves. Usually quite centered characters, coming across as arrogant with loads of ego driven decisions and actions.

Realize that:

‘You are living a life where every moment has you at the very center of it’

This is kind of problematic because you aren’t the centre of the universe. There are plenty of other things going on at any given moment.

Identity

Taken from: Existence through attention

I think feeling special gives people a sense of identity. As species, humans seek for acknowledgement of their own actions. Some achieve it in a natural way, as a byproduct of one’s calling in life. Then there are those who goes after it, and force it through portraits of their life, “making others know” of what they do or can do.

Maybe they are not sure about it themselves. That’s why they are providing proof and facts of it.

Function

Let’s scrap history from prehistoric:

At start life was merely around survival. Then we started forming tribes and started to need each other to survive.

To achieve it we needed to work together. Each one has an important contributing specific goal. Few weren’t part of that movement at all. The ones that got a good feeling of responsibility and importance were more likely to survive and reproduce. The one that didn’t have those assigned importance died out.

Now years ahead of history. Power flowed into the hands of those that are at the top of social hierarchy. And the average people have almost no power in what’s happening in our community. We can say that many of us are not needed for the modern society to function. Especially with thinking’s like Chuck Noll

“Everyone’s job is important, but no one is indispensable”

Chuck Noll

Many of us are starting to lose that feeling of being part of something bigger than ourselves.

That’s one of the psychological reasons we have a new trend called “Hikikomori” on the rise.

What’s our importance?

Weight of our contribution in our society?

Who uses those contributions? – People

So it means people need our contribution, and then only we are proved important.

But

When they don’t need ours?

What’s the next idea of contribution?

betheriskymind

I`m aware it’s not all about it, but it is one of the reason people are so fanatic about some concept or aspect of life be it significantly appreciable or not. They have a strong urge in forming or joining cults, social group like masses, where they can feel special themselves.

Not just the contribution, but more of the recognition?

Upbringing as a status

These people are funny exceptions. They believe they are on another par without even constructing the idea of it. Unfortunately they carry this type of character which certainly appears natural to them, where others can seen to be most uncomfortable in all of their acts and reactions to their surroundings.

I want to point out that this type of character can emerge due to influence from their social backgrounds or cultural standings.

Yep status

Our character almost emerges as a reflection of our upbringing, parenting, or education. This would in turn suggest that what can be seen to be as a forceful act is indeed natural and reality to them.

For example Extreme royalties or Aristocrats.

For them it’s healthy; and is more unlikely they’ll ever change unless having some kind of therapy.

But would they ever think that? I highly doubt so. Maybe what they will need is a shock or system of bringing reality to them on a plate, which will drag them right back down on earth with a big smile, followed by a heavy blow> “Welcome to the real world”.

Feeling/Being special: The reality at the peak

Inside society we have a structure that teaches us with tangible proof that with money you can obtain everything you want. With it you can have all your needs fulfilled. Well it’s not wrong just a half-baked structure.

Their concept applies only to the materialistic part of the objects you like to use, or the superficial aspect of the relationship you have with people. Today if you want genuine connections with people, money won’t get you there. Some tends to forget that people do have self-respect for themselves. Not all of them would fake everything for money.

Wanting to be or feel special goes beyond financial success.

Once again Maslow hierarchy of needs

Pyramid of needs

I`m confident that the majority of us don’t ever get to reach that last level. I`m myself  trying to get to it but there more you realize you need to get to it, the more doubts creep in. we are all stuck at the other levels, mainly because they are the more comfortable ones, or maybe we think that there is nothing beyond that current level that we are currently at.

The cruel truth is, if you can sit down and thinks how you can reach that 5th level, consider yourself extremely lucky. I mean, how can you ask a homeless man to reach self-actualization when he doesn’t know what he will eat or where he will sleep tonight. How can you ask someone morally broken to get his social needs met?

Putting this aside;

Why was the 5th level designed to be self-actualization?

But then again what is self-actualization?

Some will say it is about someone who can fully exploit his talents while still being mindful of his limitations. Others may term it as maturity.

From studies conducted throughout history; self-actualized people do exhibit some pattern, which they blend with their personality:

  • Acceptance of themselves or others (not on a pity basis whatsoever)
  • Well-developed sense of creativity
  • Maintain deep and meaningful relationships
  • Autonomous existence
  • Sense of humor, especially with their own mistake
  • Can perceive reality accurately
  • Sense of purpose
  • Marlow ‘peak experiences’
  • Empathy/compassion
  • Ongoing appreciation of goodness of life

And the list goes on…

Someone can claim with words that he displays all of that and much more; but to have it within you is a whole another thing. Indeed all these traits are envious ones that we all want to exhibit as fads.

When you get to self-actualization you’ll be special.

Passive specialty

When you realize life in another way, and gets ‘self-actualized’ you will at this very moment, want to set you apart from others to be able to draw your own journey. And when you do that you are going to be special in a sense, whether you like it or not.

The beautiful thing about it, it’s passive.

You will have no urge or need to display yourself, to want to draw that much attention. There will be far more important things before your eyes than wanting to be special.

Because self-actualized people have a strong sense of purpose and self-awareness, they always question their own journey making them aware of their goal of focus.

Many want to go after self-actualization as a goal. Instead they are most likely going to construe a fallacy; a reality which sadly is an insult to the whole idea of self-actualization. Still this does happen more frequently that we can image. I usually attribute this defeat of reaching the peak as a lack of understanding regarding their purpose.

They don’t seem to catch the whole essence of being special.

We are all special; the way we are all equal.

            There`s no question of superiority.

So what happens when you recognize that you’ll live life form this acknowledgement?

Most probably you won’t need it anymore. And for me that’s a big burden that I can let go of.

When I know or did something that I myself takes pride into, I’ll just contemplate it.

It’s a waste to tell people what to do or think. You can exert far more experience by doing what you think is right in your life- exploding your values.

Maybe

Playing the game well will make others want to play it like yours.

Values – The backstage crew when self-improvement performs

Self improvement

Popular word, used to describe someone who has finally realises that he lives only once, and is currently dissatisfied with his current lifestyle. Maybe he was inspired by some sort of trigger which gave him the urge to aim for a change.

The quest of betterment

Almost all of us associate improvement to be a reflection of our habits.

And on reaching the “productive habit routine” that will fuel improvement, we then shift our interest to improvement of one’s knowledge, status, or character through efforts. It all started with self-awareness and further developed into goals.

To work on what’s important, we need to decide on what’s important first.


Betheriskymind

Before starting all of the above quests, did someone take the time to ask himself how he is going to maintain that train of change. What is it that is going to sustain that motivation? To go all the way through this change. On what is he going to rely?

Willpower?

Motivation brainwashing?

Stop reading, come up with an answer.

All our self improvement plans are as easy as multiplication table:

  • Do this, don’t do that,
  • Change this, keep that,
  • Think like this, not like that,
  • Live like this, etc. etc.

All of these guidelines are either from books or internet resources. All of these improvements, hacks always stems from certain school of thought, i.e. philosophies.For example many self-improvement tips for someone which is working on his fear or anxiety come from stoicism.

We will all be using many philosophies like minimalism, Buddhism, stoicism… to help us to come up with our change plan.

But why do these schools of thoughts helps a lot in bringing the desired changes.

What does it act upon, which brings these external changes?

Why is it so effective and eye catching?

We all acknowledge that it changes the way we think, how we shape the world around us.

And how do we define the way someone thinks?

Is it about morality or values?

Moral vs Values – The debate

Is morality a system of values?

Personal opinion: I’m in conflict with morals.

At the crux of self-improvement, you have 2 tools to work with;

Values and Morals.

You can pick one in each hand, but it will be too heavy to fight with both of them.

But upon choosing only one, the fighting style changes;

Maybe from being guided to guiding or the other way round.

Betheriskymind

Moral is like a school of thought, a unit where beliefs are taught for deciding good and bad, which are usually readily accepted without much debate by the attendees.

It can be related to one’s religion, political system or business society.

Values on the other hand are personal beliefs, something that is unique to someone. It’s your own constructed view on life. This one has the heaviest emotional weight on you.

Values?

Morals do not come from within, but are taught by social groups and has to be followed, whereas values are standards to judge the right or wrong, good and bad. They are principles that give directions to people.

In most cases, morals are books forced upon you, suppressing values, damping your emotions, not necessarily in a bad way though.

They are commandments set by family elders, leaders, and religious teachers to be followed by descendants, claiming to lead people away from immoral thoughts and practices.

And unsurprisingly morals have more social weight and acceptance than values. Someone can easily be labeled as immoral for not fitting into the frame of the school of thought, but there is no such term for values.

Morals sourcing from a specific set provide you with “the key” for leading a good life in the “right” direction. Like given a set of rules to play the game “safely and correctly”.

These keys are ought to be treasured and to never change over time or external influences. Try to argue with a priest about any virtues of an ideal good human.

But values have no benchmark contrast: It’s something embedded within a person and can be good or bad depending on how you choose to judge his resolve about life.

Values are not set by society or teachers but governed by a single individual.

Someone may choose to abide by any of those morals for benefits purposes, but it doesn’t imply that their values coincide with them.

The fragile limiter of values:

Values don’t necessarily need to be right in a universal way. Whatever is important to you may be useless to another person. This personal aspect of values makes it vulnerable to changes depending on the situation and the timing of where it is needed.

“The situation”

The situations refers to changes in emotions.

Like fear can drive us to allow immoral decisions to be taken.

Another word is needed: Moods.

Moods are the external representation of the emotions that we feel.

Then we have: mindset.

Mindset is the thoughts and ideas that go along with those moods.

And moods aren’t things that just happen to us, we influences and change them as we go.

When mood changes; our mindset shifts.

This if emotions affect our decision, this means we can change our set of principles upon mood changes.

For someone to make a decision, he makes assumptions on the current situation and using his judgement he gives his opinion. But judgement is made through a set of norms (values) that allows you to compare the situation, and then criticizes it. So whenever your mood changes you get biased in your values along with the judgement even if it is baseless, because in your mind, your biased frustration makes complete sense.

That’s why before using values you need a grounded sense in what you define as to be your values. Else a slight change in your mind will completely disrupt your progress.

Writing enhance thinking.

Phrases allow you to freeze reflections that crosses your mind.

Instead of loosing those short volatile connections with your true self,

Words allow you,

To refine and sharpen those inner propositions,

Building your core values form it.

betheriskymind

And of course values need to “evolve”, to be further refined, else they’ll just count as morals.

Values will change over time. Values that suited you as a child is no longer relevant as you grow. What makes sense and reality of a single person no longer makes sense when he starts being with someone. What was once normal to you as a parent will change as you retire.

I practice reflection because I’m a problem solver- The reality of overthinkers.

Have you ever retrospected your life; thinking how life could have been better, if you`d done things differently?

Some minutes into that spiral; does thoughts like ‘I can’t relax’ or ‘my brain won’t shut down’ cries out? For many who cannot recognise that spiral, especially when you are caught in the middle of it; will somehow convince themselves that thinking like this is somehow useful.

After all, maybe analysing all of that will provide an insight on how you should modify your lifestyle.

The longer this happens; the more you are susceptible to lose control, and the opposite occurs. It jumps from critical thinking to overthinking. Worst of all we still consider it as some sort of reflection.

Thoughts

 Ever human thought is all about either framing the future virtually or modifying the past making it a movie that we`d love to watch.

Reflecting on reflection

Those practices;

It is solving problems at hand or more like looking for problems that currently don`t exist?

 Why is it that when we think about the unknown, it is always negative, fearful or always about failure. Are you practising stoicism, preparing yourself for the worst?

We are no longer at war; there is no need to picture the world as a surviving playground.

Personal reflection

This is one of the healthiest practices that everyone should be into. It allows us to ponder and process all of what happened to us, from the very best to the awful situations. Automatically, we then make meaning and define “learning lessons” form those experiences that we had. That`s all there is to reflection. Pay attention to how there is no ‘verdict’ to be made.

The GIBBS Reflective Cycle

We always claim that we tend to learn best from experiences; but just experiencing things or understanding the situation is not enough. We also need to reflect onto it.

If something happens, and as a result made a ‘print’ on our life scroll, we ought to consciously think about it.

That`s where Gibbs reflective cycle comes in handy.

I`m someone who always need structure and logic to be able to understand things and Gibbs gives the scheme to learn about past experiences.  

I`ve observed that once we experiences a moment, we just ‘acknowledge’ the thing and then moves on quickly. I`m not saying that we need to study everything happening around us, but a large number of what occurs tends to repeat as our routine tends to welcome it again one way or the other.

GIBBS reflective cycle

The Gibbs reflective cycle is extremely easy to use. The only thing that I would suggest is to use the knowledge of the structured thinking from the famous Edward DE Bono book- The six thinking hats.

Using the Gibbs cycle without exposure to thinking structures will bias your learning experiences to reflect only what your emotions projects. It will the same thing as reinforcing what you already know, there will be no real learning.

Everyone stands to gain from engaging in any sort of reflection. Some may do it to a deeper level, exercising introspection and attempt at learning about the fundamental nature of essence-The crux of existence.

On a lighter level, reflecting on how you behave and what thoughts enter your mind in response to events happening around you allows you to see what you are.

Using the cycle one will be able to see what one can work on:

  • Improved relationship
  • Greater clarity of thought
  • Fixing your values
  • Enhancing decision making

I was surprised. If the above points were supposed to be the outcome of self-reflection then how did it result in stress or anxiety?

The modern era reflection

All our reflections amount to putting emphasis on benchmarking, on the need to do something, be something or feel something.

It’s no totally wrong; just too focused on an outcome.

Where it gets dangerous is when the outcomes of reflections are considered as a problem that needs to be solved.

I’m amazed at some people, wondering how they can go about their repetitive life and not seem to care where they are heading. It’s like those people aren`t weighed down by the burden of living a life of purpose.

Those people are not always happy. They may not be making great positive impacts on our planet. They may not be successful in your eyes. They may not appear to be growing and progressing as an individual. But still they seem to be more content with where they are. They just don’t equate the purpose of life with some great act or deed. They may be sometimes frustrated with their own lives and that`s ok for them. This means that they are a little off track and will soon steer back.

The reason that we are depressed species is due to our association of any aspect of greatness to be the point of life. Our dissatisfaction comes from the belief that those greatness leads to fulfilment where in reality a lack of those wont affect us at all.

  • Not everyone will achieve great wealth or fame.
  • Not everyone will reach the highest level of enlightenment.
  • Not everyone will live the life of his dreams.

That reality; many of us take them as challenges they need to overcome.

Is it worth dedicating your whole existence to it? I`ll leave that choice to you. Everyone is free to choose their values. I`m just pointing things out.

The ‘what if’ dilemma

We are so determined in finding the best path that we are always freeze on decisions we make.

We strive to maximise each and every outcome, but we never know whether the decisions we made was actually the best available, leaving us with ‘what if…’

 What if we had chosen another path; would we be more content and closer to our goal?

We all have this bad habit of questioning our life, whether we might be doing something wrong- all when we just feel bad. We then automatically extend it to; a, I lacking something?

What you lack is probably useless to you, because you live everyday life without it.

betheriskymind

6 Thinking Hats- Edward DE Bono

Summary of chapter 1:

The author refers to hats as being a rarity which describes how it tends to define a role.

Like hats are usually worn as part of a uniform which itself defines a role.

E.g.

 The dunce cap or the policeman hat.

Coping vs Deliberate

But there is one critical aspect about deliberately putting on a hat that is very definite. It’s to take up its prescribed role. He also argued that putting on “a thinking hat” needs to be deliberate not just the walking-talking-breathing type of thinking where we are not even conscious of which leg follows which, or how we manage our breathing.

The term and type of “thinking hats” are used as an idiom that will eventually become a signal when we need to switch to certain types of thinking required by the situation we are.

Deliberate thinking vs Coping thinking

When driving a car, you choose roads that usually will keep you out of traffic; there is a lot of moment to moment activity dictated by the last moment and by the next moment. You are looking for signals and react to them- that’s reactive thinking.

It’s very much like the walking-talking-breathing thinking type- you read signs and make decisions.

Whereas in another concept-mapmaking; you explore the subject and make the map. You usually do it in an objective and neutral fashion. And to achieve this, you need to have a broad view of the context. This is different form just reading signals.

And to achieve this it requires a certain detachment.

When you go through the motions of being a thinker (wearing the hat) you become a thinker and your thinking follow the motions; it gets real.

But this is should not be blinded by the objectivity of things.

Like if you have the intention of becoming a weightlifter, will this suffice to lift the weights?

If you have the intention of becoming a chess player, will this move the pieces expertly around the board? – No; these thing look for performance.

 But if you have the intention of becoming a cook, and go through the motions; then you will become a tolerant cook.

Intention thus is not enough; you need to go through the motions.

It’s not enough for the thinker to consider himself to be a thinker; it’s the exact opposite of what this book implies. If you are already considering yourself to be a thinker, then you are likely to do nothing about it, because you are smug and satisfied with your assumed skill.

The actual thinking that students usually acquire is important. But developing thinking skills are still far more important.

Like;

The usual self-image of a student at school is that he is intelligent or not intelligent depending on how well he gets along at school and pleases the teacher- This is a value concept. There is nothing much that can be changed about it. It’s like being short or tall, beautiful or plain.

But becoming a thinker is a totally different self-image. It’s an <operating skill>- you can do something about it. You can get better at thinking the same way we get better at cooking.

Characteristic of being a thinker:

  • It does not involve being right all the time
  • It does not involve being clever
  • All it implies if just consciously wanting to be a thinker.

And this is not easily achieved. It always tends to get abstract as we think. Thus there is a need of some structure- The six thinking hats

And usually after thinking we need performance results.

And those hats provide a tangible way of translating the intentions into performance.

Role playing

People usually do not mind “playing the fool” so long as it is clear that they are just playing the role. They even take pride in putting on a good performance and play an extremely foolish fool.

That now becomes a measure of achievement and excellence.

 The role has taken over and the ego is the stage director

To play at being someone else allows the ego to go beyond its normal restrictive self-image.

To role play being a thinker in the general sense is already a big step in becoming a thinker.

But we can go further by breaking down that lager role into more specific different roles;- The 6 characteristic roles, that each hat projects.

The 3 main values of the 6 thinking hats

Defined by role playing:

 The main restriction on thinking is ego defense. This is responsible for most practical faults in thinking. These hats allow us to say and think things that we could not do due to our ego.

Attention directing:

If our thinking is to be more than just reactive; we need to have a way of directing attention to one aspect after another- The 6 hats giving rise to 6 different aspect of the same matter.

Convenience

It becomes convenient to ask people to switch gears as you can now identify which hat he is wearing and if ever he can change it to make the conversation more productive.

6 Hats, 6 Colors

White hat:

  • Neutral and objective
  • Mostly is concerned with objective facts and figures.

Red hat:

  • Suggest anger, rage and emotions
  • Gives emotional(bias) views

Black hat:

  • Gloomy and negative
  • Covers negative aspects- Why it cannot be done.

Yellow hat:

  • Sunny and positive
  • Optimistic and covers hope and positive thinking

Green hat:

  • Creativity and new ideas

Blue hat:

  • Cool
  • Concerned with control and organisation of the thinking process and the use of the other hats.

Are won arguments hallmarks of my reality?

Everyone has at some point heard or read about this famous fable by Aesop: The hare and the tortoise.

Recap

A hare was making fun of a tortoise for being slow. So they decided to sort it out with a race, with the argument that the fastest will win the race. Overestimating his own abilities the hare ran a few miles then took a nap under a tree, underestimating the tortoise, concluding that he will wake up once the tortoise catch up with him.

The tortoise meanwhile kept going slowly but steadily, and eventually caught up with the hare that was still sleeping.

And the rest we all know, the tortoise won.

My sequel of the story:

One week later a fire started deep into the same forest where the tortoise and the hare live. Both of them saw the fire and realized that they need to rapidly inform the other animals. The tortoise being proven the fastest was assigned the mission of informing the entire forest, while the hare just ran away. Confident about his proven abilities the tortoise set out.

In the end the fire caught everyone up, and they all died, including the tortoise. Only the hare lived.

This forest is our new modern society.

Be careful of those proven won arguments,

Which can make you stupid enough to lose sight of reality.

betheriskymind

Cues on Trial

A fundamental concept that I’ve realised when it comes to new habits.

Any habit that you just started to work on only last for a few days or at most few weeks.

Why?

Analogy

It’s like when you want to study for an exam. To be able to successfully complete the work or revision you need still time (a period where you can forecast and predict how your time will flow, what events are aligned and in what order of occurrence), i.e. Stability in your schedule.

So whenever you are striking routine; it’s easy to implement those new habits. Yet as soon as one unexpected event occurs, that “stability” is thrown off balance and its mission failure.

Our “current” habits such as wake up time or study routine, whether we exercise or meditate, all these events are systematic. These events will occur with or without the required stability. In fact they are not habits as we commonly refer to them to, but requirements; requirements that are necessary for our day to function.

Brushing your teeth

Whether waking up early or late;

Or whether you had something to do before brushing;

Won’t make any difference because in the end you will complete that task simply because it’s a necessity, not a habit. If I don’t I usually feel sick or uneasy.

Same goes for showering.

Then what about reading a book or meditating?

We have not been instructed that these habits are a necessity to us nor been trained to get “addicted” to it. You won`t feel sick or uneasy when not reading or mediating.

We all see them as an “extra” thing to do.

And things to do we have a lot of them, queuing up.

When sorting out which one of them to do first; we all think that we pick the easiest one.

But

Think deeply, and you`ll see that we all pick the most important one, neglecting the rest.

Important?

Our important task is the one most often someone is expecting from us. We all prioritise things that have deadlines placed by an external influence. Like those commitments that we give to others. – An assignment that we have to return on due date is how we gauge the importance of our task.

What I’m trying to point out is that as long as you don`t have big commitments or unpredictable things popping into your life, maintaining a new habit won’t be much of a work especially if you just started them. Besides when you’re on free schedule, your brain don’t have much  to occupy itself, so might as well play along to have some distraction. But as soon as serious work kicks in, we no longer plays the habits game.

We all try new habits because we concluded that there is something wrong with our schedule of things, maybe we noticed lot of mindless distractions, lack of physical exercise, poor hygiene etc. so we ought to correct them and its usually through a change of schedule like changing routines/habits.

Habits are like medicines

As long you are sick you`ll remember to take your tablets

But as you heals, you`ll slowly forgets about them.

And the cycle repeats itself

betheriskymind

Habits are not necessities

They are not the same for everyone. It’s intriguing that we can look at this difference where they both have the same objective as parallel worlds.

You as a teenager may be struggling to make waking up early as your new habit, while someone in another location on the same earth wakes up every day at 6.00am sharp, just because it’s a necessity. Maybe what I’m saying as being a necessity is just a cue to waking up.

Really? We`ll see about that later.

Maybe you want to meditate every day and was unsuccessful, and in another life someone is a yoga instructor, and needs to practice meditation; like a football player would practice every day to harness its art, not because it’s a habit, but rather a necessity to his life.

Living is what is common to all of us

What is necessary to keep us living is what decides our day.

Habits are just “party animals” that peps our living experience

betheriskymind

Want to be an early riser?

Take a job or go to a school far from your house and in no time you`ll have a new habit- waking up early!

Are necessities cues?

All books that talks about habits describes cues as the driving mechanism that actuate the levers to reminds us we have a habit in progress, waiting for completion.

So are you wondering?

“Aren`t those cues the necessity that will make us realize that we have a task to do?”

No

Lining cues along my day to make me remember that I have something to do, is the same as visual assault.

Like bullies that frown at you, forcing you to stay alert so as to not miss the bell!

And as for someone like me, who do not worship “the modern productivity of doing lots” but rather harness mindfulness, refuses to handle such a day.

And everyone does refute the cues bombardments up to a certain tolerance level.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why absolutely everyone, including all the habit gurus, has never had consistency over a crazy long span of time. They are just like us- surfing the waves of habits, with frequent up and down moments.

Utility of cues?

Cues are mostly add-ons when well utilised. Special features that we add to our routine to temporarily boost our performance. Like those potions which gives us immense power or new abilities in games; but doesn`t last for long. And as soon as we use them, we need to get new one.

Reason why we all have that special reset button for when habits deviate, to re start over again.

Back to necessities

Can we force our mind to understand that certain habits are necessary for us to feel good? To the extent when even our schedule is upside down we still want to complete the habit?

I don’t think we can.

When we say we are adopting a new habit, we are just making sure that we will be working odd hours. Our brain will be perpetually under pressure for maintaining that effort to remember and complete the task.

Yes, implementing a new habit is like that safety sign at all construction sites-“warning heavy work is under progress”.

And there is a limit to which we can sustain that pressure. And the moment that we lose track of the new habit, for sure know that we already got to our limit.

Back to 30 day challenges

This technique works great, well up to 30 days. When you say that you`re going to extend it, you are irritating yourself on an unconscious level-Ah shit here we go again.

This time it’s not a challenge, but a pain in the ass and doesn`t take long before snapping.

Then what`s the plan.

Start over.

Again.

After lots of trial maybe the habit will get promoted to your “necessities’ list”

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